I grew up in a catholic home with both of my parents. I was the oldest of two siblings. As a child, I remember having a lot of fun.  We went camping and hiking and rode bikes. My dad was like a big kid.  On weekends my mom worked and dad took us out on adventures like hiking and riding bikes and coming home and having strawberry shakes and homemade pizza.  It was a lot of fun. When I became a teenager it was different at home. I wasn’t really close to either of my parents.

I was very shy in high school until my senior year I decided to try out for cheerleading.  I made the team. It seems to be a great year. I was working at the mall and was dating someone popular from a different high school. I was excited because I would have a date to the prom. While I was dating him he tried to change who I was and the way I dressed. He wanted more from me but I said no so he broke up with me just before the prom.  I was devastated but I did go to the prom with a good friend.

My senior year came and went.  It was summer time supposed to be the best summer after graduation. It wasn’t for me.  One of the boys from high school had some interest in me and ask me out so I went out with him. One day in the summer, he asked me over to his house.  I decided to go but didn’t realize what would happen. That day I lost my self-worth. He raped me and it broke me.  I felt so ashamed and disgusted about myself. I went home and didn’t tell anyone.  I just cried and he never called me again. I felt like it was my fault for going to his house.  I end up telling my close friends and my brother knew but I felt so alone. I had so much hurt and pain.

I went to parties and drinking. I made so many bad choices after the incident.   The end of the summer I met up with a boy who took me to youth group at his church a couple of times.  I actually had a crush on him in high school. I found out he was talking to the other boy who hurt me and tried the same thing. I said NO. I was so sick to my stomach and so alone.

I felt alone and afraid and things at home were not the best either. My parents were not there as much and I just pushed away everyone who cared about me.   They use to go on vacation and we stayed home.  I didn’t like that too much because as the oldest, I was in charge.  My brother always had parties when they went away.  I tried to tell them but he had a way to convince them that he wouldn’t. I got to the point to just join in the party.  They were drinking parties and they were big ones.

My brother had a friend who was a big partier and asked my brother if I was a virgin and he said no. I was drinking and partying so I dated him. I would sneak out of my house to go to his apartment. I was looking for love in the wrong places.  I was so alone and kept making bad choices.  We ended breaking up.

I met someone at a under 21 club and we started dating.  I really liked him. We were to peas in a pod.  One of my friends had won a limousine ride, dinner and a concert which we could choose. Whitney Houston in providence or Amy Grant in great woods.   We had no idea who Amy Grant was but it was a longer ride so we decided to go to Amy Grant.

That is the night God started to get a hold of my heart. It was my first Christian concert.  I bought her cd and listen to it over again while crying in my bed room.  God started to speak to me there.  I felt Him comforting me. The boy broke up with me but I continued to listen to Amy Grant.  I got saved just before I married my first husband in 1993.  We have three children together.  Our marriage ended in divorce but God stuck by me and helped me through that time.  I found my faith in our Lord.  I continued college and I got my bachelors in HDF .  I am married to a Christian man and we have a daughter together.  It was a very tough ride but I couldn’t not have gotten this far without  MY Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Renae Dietzel

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