The other day my husband and I were talking about some things we needed to deal with. In our conversation he said something that stayed in my mind like food that has gotten stuck in your teeth and you just can’t get it out.
He looked at me as sincerely and lovingly as possible and let me know that my actions don’t always reflect what I say. I tell him I love him and I let him know all those qualities I love about him. I say I believe in who He is and I know his heart. Yet my actions and words say otherwise sometimes.
I sat for a moment, wanting to react in my emotions and feeling hurt by his words but I didn’t. I let them linger. I feel like I mean those things I say. I do love my husband and see him that way, so why do these words and actions come out? Is there something deep inside, I may need to deal with. I shrug that off for the time because that can not be right.
I sit there in silence for what seems like eternity because I don’t want to react and yet I don’t want to admit or acknowledge that this could be true either. Then I hear the Lord speak to me in that quiet voice of His. He gently lets me know I do this with Him too.
He begins to reveal some truths to my heart I do not enjoy hearing. My flesh squirms like a two year old child who has been sitting too long. In this moment I have a choice;
Will I hear my husband and truly look at what he is saying to me or will I clean it up not so neatly and sweep it under the rug so I do not have to deal with it?
Will I hear my Heavenly Father and receive what He is showing me or will I run the other way?
]There have been[tweetthis] many times I have swept things under the carpet, only to leave my heart bruised, hurting, and still broken, [/tweetthis]along with my husband.
I have run from God before ashamed to look at Him, somehow thinking He doesn’t see.
I ponder those moments in my heart. I don’t want to live there anymore. I want to see what I need to see in this heart of mine. I want to be humble enough to tell my husband he is right. I want to receive the love my Heavenly Father has for me, repent, and be healed.
As I read through the book, “Fear Fighting” by Kelly Balarie, God took that light of His and shined it all around my heart and in some very deep places. I shed many tears and I received forgiveness. God used Kelly’s words to show me where the fear was coming from in this situation.
Repentance happened, forgiveness came, and healing began.
Even when we deal with things head on, satan will continue to try and use it as an obstacle in our lives but God is faithful to give us a way out of temptation. I will be fighting fear until the end of this life. The difference is fear can no longer control me and I have my Lord Jesus Christ who is always interceding for me and the Holy Spirit guiding me. I know my Heavenly Father loves me, He sees me and He is fighting for me. I no longer have to fight in my own strength. I can finally let go.
I love my husband more than life itself. I believe he loves me and is the man God gave me to walk this life with. I love my Heavenly Father. I believe that He loves me so much He sent His only Son Jesus Christ to be born of a virgin, to live here for thirty three years, took the sins of the world including mine on a cross to be crucified, raised from the dead on the third day, and is seated at the right hand of the Father in Heaven. He is preparing a place for me because one day He will come back and one day this fear fight will be over.
Until then I will be still, while He fights for me. (Exodus 14:14) and I will encourage others to lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which easily entangles us,and run with endurance the race that is set before us.(Hebrews 12:1)
Let’s continue to encourage and cheer each other on girlfriends, Let’s help each other look at those things in our lives that are painful and necessary so we can move on into freedom, Let’s do this together until the fight is over and we see Jesus face to face in glory!!
To learn more about this book go to www.fearfightingbook.com or purposefulfaith.com.