This season has caused me to think about Jesus’ disciples and their journey with Jesus. This morning I found myself reading about Thomas. He is famously known as “doubting Thomas.”
I was drawn to Thomas because I have been doubting some things lately. I have been doubting God’s promises. I have been doubting God’s heart towards me and His ways.
“But Thomas, one of the twelve, called Didymus, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples were saying to him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he said to them, “Unless I see in His hands the imprint of the nails, and put my finger into the place of the nails, and put my hand into His side, I will not believe.” John 20:24-25
Thomas knows the other disciples. They have been walking together with Jesus for the last few years, so I would assume there is a level of trust there amongst them. Yet, when they come and tell him that they have seen Jesus, he doubts. He tells them he will believe it when he sees His scars.
After eight days His disciples were again inside, and Thomas with them. Jesus came, the doors having been shut, and stood in their midst and said, “Peace be with you.” Then He said to Thomas, “Reach here with your finger, and see My hands; and reach here your hand and put it into My side; and do not be unbelieving, but believing.” Thomas answered and said to Him, “My Lord and my God!” John 20:26-28
Here we see that the disciples are together again and Jesus comes in among them. He reaches out to Thomas and invites him to touch His scars. He meets him there in His doubt and shows him what He needs to see.
He has done that with me in this season too. He leads me to the scriptures and words I need to see and hear. He puts a bible study in front of me that helps me in the area of surrender. This is an area of life I am struggling with right now. He provides prayerful friends and a husband who loves me, encourages me, and prays for me.
I struggle to stay in that place sometimes though. Circumstances, people, and life distract me. Doubt creeps in and I begin to question God. I question His promises, I question who He is to me and who I am to Him.
As Christians, I think it is hard to admit these things. Religion tells us that doubting is wrong. Religion says we are a bad christian if we feel these things.
Jesus tells us to bring those doubts, confusion, and feelings to Him. That is what relationship with Jesus does. It gives us the freedom to bring these things to Him, and He meets us there.
Jesus said to him, “Because you have seen Me, have you believed? Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed.” John 20:29
There have been times when I read this part of the scripture where the enemy wanted to bring me to a place of condemnation, but that is not what this means.
Jesus loved Thomas and in that love He met Thomas where he was and He does that for us. As I read these words now, the Holy Spirit shows me that this is the Father’s heart. I believe He desires us to get to a place where we believe even when we don’t see.
God desires me to know Him. He desires you to know Him. Just like Thomas, I have walked with Jesus, since I first believed in Him at the age of 9. I am now fourty-five. I will let you do the math. Yet, I still struggle some days with trusting. I still struggle with believing those promises to be true because quite frankly, I am not seeing them happen in my life.
I doubt God’s heart, and I tell Him I need to see something to believe Him.
I long to get to a place where I know Him so intimately and deeply that I can trust beyond what I see. I know that is His heart for me too.
I am thankful that as I continue to walk with Jesus in that relationship, He continues to meet me in those places I struggle with doubt. He continues to make Himself known and brings me to a deeper place of trust and surrender.
Are you doubting today? Are you struggling with believing God’s promises for you?
You are in good company. Invite Jesus in. He will meet you there. He will show you His scars. He will make Himself known to you and I pray as He does, you will acknowledge Him as Lord, and you will begin to believe, even when you don’t see.
Heavenly Father, we thank You for Your love for us. We thank You for the ways you meet us in our doubts. We pray that You would continue to make yourself known to us in ways that deepen our trust and love for You. May You help us get to that place where we believe, even when we can’t see. In Jesus Name, Amen