I was having a conversation with a loved one. Words were spoken that triggered wounded places in my heart, and out of my mouth, spews the instant reaction.
I spend time with my children. They speak about memories that remind me of my failure as a mom, guilt overruns my heart, and I go within, feeding that depression wanting to overtake me.
Those triggers come from places of deep pain. Sometimes that pain has been caused by others, by things said or not said. Other times it comes from a place of guilt, from decisions and choices I have made or not made.
These are areas that need healing.
For many years, I tried to deal with this myself. I put up walls and self-protective shields. With my children, I allowed fear to control me, and I didn’t trust anyone, including God, to do the job right so I took it all on myself. I consistently attempted to heal myself, to provide my own justice and protection, and I failed every time.
One day, I sat with the Lord in tears, defeated from my failed effort, wondering why I couldn’t seem to fix it. This was my prayer:
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way. Psalms 139:23-24
Praying this prayer is not a quick fix, especially when there are years of build-up within us. It is a place to start.
It was an acknowledgment on my part that I could not fix this, and God was the only one who could. I was asking God to show me what I couldn’t see, and it was a cry for help. It was me seeking the God of the Universe to lead me in the way forward to healing.
It was the beginning of the process. God is continuing to show me those areas that need healing. My heart desires to follow His lead, and I seek Him daily for the wisdom, discernment, and strength to do it.
Our pasts are filled with areas of similar hurts and pains, and there are unique and individual places as well. We have triggers that look the same and others that come from very personal places.
We need to come together, ask God to examine our hearts, and to shine that light on those areas in our hearts that need to be healed.
We need to ask God to strengthen and give us the ability to forgive where there is unforgiveness, to repent where repentance is needed, and we need to allow Him to heal those places so we may move forward to a place where the reactions, lash outs, and hurting back ends. We need to ask Him to help us respond form a place of healing, and out of love.
My process with this has been slow. I have had a considerable amount of internal to work through—some of it created by others, and some created by myself. As I look around lately, I sense an urgency to work with the Lord, more intensely. Not just for myself, my family, those relationships around me, but for my Country and the World.
I want to live free and healthy. I want to love God, my family, friends, strangers, and myself well. I want to keep the right boundaries, guarding my heart and mind, while being free to love others the way God has called me to love them.
I will do this better when my past is healed.
Are there things that trigger your heart to react instead of respond?
Are there places in your past that need healing?
Have you been trying to attempt to do this yourself?
Will you bring them to Jesus today? Will you let Him help you?
I would love for us to share together, so we may pray for one another for these things. Let’s be a safe place for others, and cheer each other on towards victory and freedom!