Today is my birthday, and I am finding myself reflecting. This year has been an interesting year. A year that has been filled with ups and downs, lots of wrestling with the Lord, and powerful breakthroughs.

I have shared some of them in my writing along the way, and today will be another one of those shares.

First, this year has been a year God has exposed some incredibly deep lies that I have lived out of for years. Lies that, as my Pastor, Chris Hart says, “keep us in the cave.” I will post his latest sermon that expands on this way more than I can here.

There have been lies about who I am. Lies about who others are to me. Lies that others have said to me, and I believed. Lies from the enemy of our souls about so many things.

Some I have known, and others I just realized this year.

The lie is that I can’t write this book, the lie is that what I have to offer doesn’t matter or isn’t worth much. The lie is that my weaknesses and limitations can keep me from what God has called me to do. The lie is that good things happen to only others, not me.

The lie that trusting God is too risky. The lie that letting people get close to me will always end in me being hurt, used, or trampled on. The lie is that there is nothing more to me than caring for a home. The doubts that creep in, hindering my relationship with Jesus.

My most powerful prayer this year has been, “God, please help me in my unbelief.” I have asked God to help me to stop striving and rest in Him and to teach me how to do these things. I have asked God to help me fully surrender and let go of that last piece that keeps me from trusting completely.

Something happened in these last few months. I believe God has freed me from those fears and anxieties that keep me holding on for dear life, trying to protect myself, and keep me trying to fight battles that aren’t mine to fight.

I can’t even explain it. After years of praying and working through these areas with God, He has finally freed me. I finally see with His lenses the lies I have lived In for so long. I finally honestly believe His love for me is absolute and unconditional. Finally, I believe He is my protector and provider. I finally believe He is completely trustworthy for the first time in my life.

I have always known it….but it has not become solidified in my heart.

Religion causes us to be self-reliant, self-protective, and everything is conditional, but this relationship with Jesus changes everything.

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I have battled to believe He won’t let me down or that He is not here with me. I have wrestled to believe He will protect me and my heart because people have not. People have left or not been around.

But God is not people. He is our Father, our protector, our provider, and our refuge. He is our safe place always.

I finally believe it, and He is beginning to teach me how to live this out.

This is the breakthrough I have been praying about for a very long time. I don’t understand God’s timing sometimes, but it is always perfect. I can trust that truth.

There is a peace that I am experiencing that transcends everything. There is a joy that stays, and I am learning not just to take restful breaks but to rest in Jesus.

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There is a trust that even when things feel off and crazy that I am not, and He has not left me alone in it. There is a trust that I am who He says I am, no matter what anyone else around me says or communicates to me.

That solid foundation has been poured, and He is building a new house in me.

God truly is doing a new thing, and I have great expectations and hope for this year, even with all the crazy around us.

If you have been praying for a breakthrough for years and the struggles seem too hard, I beg you not to give up. Keep fighting, keep moving forward, and even when it feels impossible, hold on to Jesus and God’s promises, even if you don’t fully believe them at the moment.

I want to be here for you. I would not be here if it were not for those who have prayed for me along the way so let us be here for you. I would love for you to share so we can pray for you today.

Thank you, Father, for Your love and goodness to us. You are a faithful God who walks with us and waits patiently as You work in our hearts to bring us where You want us to be. We confess that we need you! Meet us here, where we are, and help us move forward in You. Thank You for the new thing You are doing and the breakthroughs that are coming. In Jesus’ Name!

I am adding the link to Pastor Chris Hart’s sermon this week. It goes along with this so well, so I want to share it.