I was overwhelmed, burnt out, struggling with depression through a difficult season of grief, and many unexpected events surrounding it all.
Before that, I had been a pursuer of people, relationships, and most importantly Jesus. I was actively involved in ministry and leading small groups.
I was reliable, responsible, and pursued those around me.
I say I was because suddenly I found myself in a place where I needed people to see me, to pursue me, and to minister to me. I was suddenly in a place where there wasn’t anything to give and I had to say no to those natural tendencies to reach out and make time for others.
I have been studying about Jesus and His ministry on earth.
“In the early morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house, and went away to a secluded place, and was praying there. Simon and his companions searched for Him; they found Him, and said to Him, “Everyone is looking for You.” He said to them, “Let us go somewhere else to the towns nearby, so that I may preach there also; for that is what I came for.” And He went into their synagogues throughout all Galilee, preaching and casting out the demons.” Mark 1:35-38 (NASB)
I found peace and freedom in this truth. I am not perfect and I am not Jesus, but my heart is to follow Him well. I desire to learn from Him and grow in Him.
When I looked at my life, I realized I had not dropped everything. I was still in places God wanted me to be. I was aware the season was changing and I needed to bring relationships and ministry to His feet, surrendering them to His will.
He has been faithful to give me back what is for this season and I am at peace with it.
I have struggled with feeling guilty for having the need to be ministered to and for saying no to people, but God is faithful to lead me and guide me by His Holy Spirit towards what He wants me to do and not to do, and where to go and not go.
I know I am not the only one who feels this way sometimes.
Are you in a season where you need to be ministered to instead of ministering to others?
Are you in a place where you are having to say “no” more than “yes”?
Is God changing your direction?
I am encouraging you to follow Him. Let go of the guilt and condemnation. Pray for those you have to say no to right now. Ask God to bring those in your life who can minister to you in the ways that you need. Keep seeking Him! Let Him free your heart as you do this.